I am frustrated with my lack of progress on premature ejaculation and how slow things are moving. I am also shocked at how quickly I forgot what I read in Coping with Premature Ejaculation by Michael Metz and Barry McCarthy. (see the Resources page for a link). I relayed the discussion my wife and I had about what they said in the book about using anesthetic creams for PE. I had to go back and search the information out and read it again, because I forgot it. As I read through the book, I got encouraged again.
I forgot what was in it. I like their approach. If you go back to the earliest posts, it was this book that gave me the courage to go and find help. In fact, the professional help was originally intended to be a supplement to the book, to help me stay focused and to understand the techniques if I got confused or lost. The sex therapist has been helpful in several ways, including getting me to see the areas of sin, pride, and fear (“emotional issues”) that I still have. She has also helped to open up some communication with my wife about sex. So it has been good, but it has distracted from the primary goal of addressing the PE. The relationship issues need to be addressed, but I do not have relationship-caused PE, so fixing the relationship will not help my PE. (Actually, where it is helpful is getting my wife and I to engage in it together, so that is good)
So I need to focus more on the goal – addressing PE. As a result, I am going to read through the book again. And I’ll do it again and again and again as long as I takes for me to get it and have it work. Not that I don’t have enough to read now, but that is my goal. I’ll add insights as I go.
I’m excited to read it again. I decided to get friendly. Inn the title I called is “CWPE” for “Coping with Premature Ejaculation”. We are on a nickname basis now. Time to stamp out PE!
Be Free Indeed 
Jason
July 25, 2012 at 9:20 pm
Curious, I am dealing with PE myself, and have bought this book as well. I am struggling being a Christian and following the program in the book particularly when it comes to the self exercises on finding the peak levels. I made an oath to my wife that she alone is my outlet for sexuality. Is your wife fine with you doing the self exercise?
diligentwarrior
July 26, 2012 at 10:44 pm
Thanks for the question! Here is a long answer …
First, my starting point that the Bible does not prohibit masturbation. This could be a blog post, so I’ll save it.
I think my early posts record the negative impact my PE was having on me and out marriage. It got to the point that I needed to do something, rather than continue to wait. At that time, my wife was not on board for helping me with PE or working on our sex life at all. So I decided to work through as much of the book as possible on my own, without my wife’s help. So basically, I never asked her.
Having said that, I do not consider these exercises a sexual outlet. I did not do them because I felt I needed a release. To me, they are exercises that happen to improve my sex life. They are work if you want to get it right.
I actually do the exercises the Taoist (like Mantak Chia) way, where you learn to circulate sexual energy, and you should NOT ejaculate at all. Ejaculation was never my goal and if it happened, I considered it a failure. I have learned to prevent ejaculation during masturbation by circulating the energy.
The times I did ejaculate never prvented me from being intimate with my wife. Doing the exercises never dimished my desire for my wife. While I am doing the exercises, my focus is on my sensation, or on my wife. I don’t think about other women.
The improvement in our sex life and my mental outlook has been dramatic. I think the Lord is pleased with what I have done. I did not do anything that i consider impure or inappropriate. My focus is on becoming the husband and lover that I think God created me to be. I have had to learn some new skills.
Of course, if you are still uncomfortable doing them, invite her to cuddle with you and watch, or to participate. You can still do it that way, you just need very good communication.
Let me know what you think and don’t hesitate to post another comment.