I wish I had a graph of my success with controlling my ejaculation during sex. It would look a little like waves on the ocean, with very tall peaks and very wide troughs. My performance is maddeningly inconsistent. I will go for several days or maybe even a couple of weeks where I think I have control, but then I go through a much longer period, several weeks to months, where I have no control again. I have never been able to figure out why that happens or what the cause is. Basically, I am still mostly out of control.
I am currently in one of those troughs again. I can’t really remember the last time I felt like I had control and I feel like I just don’t get it – I am still missing something. So whenever, that happens, I turn to the one book that I own that presents the closest thing to step by step instructions: The Multi-Orgasmic Man by Mantak Chia. I read it hoping that I can find that one piece of information that will be my key to control.
However, something about that book irritates my wife. I think she thinks that I am trying to sprint before I can crawl, so she doesn’t like to see me read it. So the last time I was reading it, she stopped and confronted me. At some point, she asked “So is that book helping?” “I don’t know,” I answered. “I keep reading it but I haven’t figured it out yet.” She replied, “So why are you still reading it? Move on to something else.”
That seemed like good advice – find something else that might be more helpful. So the next night, I did some more searching on the web. I looked at several pages, but I ended up on the actionlove.com website by Newman Lin, infamous for his “anal breathing” technique. If you have sexual problems and have done any searching, I am sure you have come across it. He gets some strong criticism for the disorganization of his website, the confusing way he presents the information, and his use of the term “anal breathing”. I read through it, however, because when I have done my breathing exercises, it sometimes feels like I am breathing through my anus. So rather than throw out the information because of a poor translation, I decided to dig deeper.
His description of the anal breathing technique was brief, but was accompanied by a diagram. As I looked at the diagram and read the description, I realized that he is talking about the exact same technique that Mantak Chia calls the Microcosmic Orbit. To confirm it, I found an explanation of the technique with a Chinese subtitle. I put the subtitle through a translator and got “chi gong exercise for opening the governor channel.” The two techniques are the same.
The most interesting part was his description of the muscles involved. He suggests that you don’t want to squeeze the muscle that makes your penis jump (usually referred to as the “PC muscle”, but who knows what it really is). Instead, you want to relax and even actually push out on it. The muscle you want to contract is between your anus and your tail bone. This is the muscles that moves the energy up your spine.
This actually aligns with most other descriptions, if you consider that a big, inhaling breath pushes out on your “PC muscle”. This also aligns with my suspicion that many of these guys might be confused about the names of the muscles and what they actually doing to control their ejaculation. Lin’s description was more specific and harmonized with the other techniques, so he may be describing the technique more accurately.
Given this information, I decided to try it. With all of my pelvic floor work, I am able to control my muscles independently pretty well, so with a little bit of effort, I was able to perform the technique. I felt a strong pull up the back of my spine. When I first tried it, I thought “That feels familiar.” So I tried it again, with one hand on my penis and the other on my sacrum to make sure I was only using those muscles. It felt the same. As I tried it repeatedly, I could feel my muscles in back squeezing energy out of my prostate and up my back. But strangely, it felt like the same motion where I have described it previously as squeezing the muscles in front. So I may be confused, but the technique feels that same and I know it has worked for me in the past. As a result, I will work on practising this during sex again.
So my wife as right – I needed to try some different sources of information. As long as I still have something new to try, I still have hope of finding the key to overcoming premature ejaculation.