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Five Reasons You Should Have Sex with Your Husband Every Night

I came across this blog post the other day called “Five Reasons You Should Have Sex with Your Husband Every Night“.  The author is a wife and mother, so I think it gives a healthy perspective.  She has a nice description of how she came to this point, so to see the entire post, follow the link above.  The following is her five point summary of why you (as a woman) deserve it:

And so, without further ado….

Five Reasons You Should Have Sex with Your Husband Every Night

  1. Being a mother, one of the ultimate expressions of womanhood, can often leave a girl feeling stripped of her femininity. There is something about being covered in spit up and attending to the every need of another human being that makes one feel distinctly gender neutral. Most of my days are spent playing with dolls, wiping baby food off of my clothes, changing diapers, wiping snot off of my clothes, going to the park, and wiping what-the-heavens-is-that off of my clothes. There is something restorative about kissing the boy you love. There are times in Riley’s arms when I remember who I am before I even realize I have forgotten. Yes, I am a cook, cleaner, teacher, and wiper of all things disgusting. But I am also something more, something delightful and completely apart from my roles. I am a woman! And there is potential and depth and heck, I am pretty darn good kisser, too. It is a lovely thing, finding yourself through the touch of someone else.
  2. If you want your husband to act like a man, you need to treat him like a man. (A few thoughts on what I think “Being a Man” means? It ain’t what you may think. Check it out here.) Hold the eye rolls. I am not pushing for a return to the 1950’s. (Although, heaven knows an era in which low rise jeans did not exist is basically alright by me.) Women need any number of criteria met to feel loved. Men are far simpler. They need to be fed, they need to be appreciated, and they need to have sex. That is it. Really. So make or order dinner once in a while. Say thank you for the long hours spent at work with a hug and smile when he walks through the door each night. (Better yet? Smile as you hand him the kids and walk out the door for a long, much needed break.) Are you the one working? Great! Say thank you for his time at home, at work or wherever else he is helping to build your life.  And my goodness, let the poor man see you naked. It is astounding what a good man will do for a good woman that has made him feel loved. After a few weeks of meals and make outs, you will sit back and wonder why you didn’t insist on having sex every night sooner. Talk about a small investment and big returns.
  3. You need to have a moment in each day that is just about the two of you. Remember that boy? The one that made your heart thump and hands sweat? The one that called when you hoped he would, that made you run hot and high up to the stars until you thought you would never come down? He is still there. Under the years and bills and worries, that smiling boy is still in love with and needs his smiling girl. Every night after the kids go to bed is a chance to find him again. A moment to remind yourself that you are living a picket fenced adventure and my goodness, there is nothing the two of you can’t do.
  4. Sex relieves stress. I don’t know that this one needs much explanation. As a mother I eat stress for breakfast. So it seems to me I have a choice. I can let off steam by A) driving around at night and bashing in strangers mailboxes or B) I can get down and dirty with that one guy I married that one time. I choose option B. (So far the mailboxes in my neighborhood have escaped unscathed, so Option B must be working.)
  5. It is so much blasted fun. Seriously. Why are we so quick to refuse the good things in life? We will slog through our children’s Algebra homework, do Zumba in public and pluck the hair from our body ONE PIECE AT A TIME. But tell a girl to have sex every night and she looks at you like you are crazy, An orgasm? Every night? What do I look like? A Nymphomaniacal Super Woman? Where is the logic in that?

    Are we really too busy doing dishes to participate in an activity that is so good it has inspired genius (that saucy Shakespeare) and changed history (Okay, Helen of Troy, we get it. You were super hot)? My goodness, what a crazy way to live. Ladies, did it ever occur to you (to us!) that we should have sex because WE DESERVE IT?

    Yeah, you deserve it.

    So, tonight put the kids to bed. Leave the dishes in the sink and the floors unswept. They will wait. Take a moment to remember that you are the girl you hoped you would be and then go find that boy and remind him that he is the man you knew he could be.

 
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Posted by on October 25, 2014 in Sex

 

Acupuncture Adjustment

As I mentioned in my last post, I have been continuing my focus on relaxing all of my sex muscles.  I find this extremely difficult.  I have developed a habit over my entire life of holding these muscles tight throughout the day.  As a result, I am finding it difficult to break this habit and keep them relaxed throughout the day.  As a result, it is also difficult for me to keep them relaxed during sex.

After several of my recent catastrophic sex failures, I have noticed that the muscles in the back of my pelvis, in my sacrum and the base of my spine, are still very tight.  I have been going to the acupuncturist for weekly treatments, and so I mentioned this to him last week when he was checking up on my progress.  Every week when I go in to see him, he asks me several questions to evaluate my progress, and one of them is whether the tension is getting better.  I told him that the tension in front seemed to be getting better, but that tension in back was still bad.  I asked him if the treatment he was giving me worked for the muscles in the back also.  He said treating the front should help the back, but that he could treat the back, and that would help the front also.  I told him that I would like to try it, and he agreed.

So instead of lying on my back and having several needles in my lower abdomen, he had me lie on my stomach and he placed several needles in my lower back and sacrum.  This didn’t hurt any more than the ones in front, but it was harder for me to relax initially because I felt so much more vulnerable getting poked in my back and my butt.  Other than that, the rest of the treatment was the same.

While I was lying there, I notice that the muscles in my sacrum felt more relaxed and ‘heavier”, and this feeling continued after I got done and started walking around.  When I got the front treated, as I drove home, I felt like the muscles were getting tense again, but after this treatment I felt like the muscles were staying relaxed.

So treating the back rather than the front seems to be helping.  Acupuncture is slow and progressive, so I will have to wait to see if my muscles stay relaxed; however, my first impression is that this will be more effective for my particular problem.  I’ll let you know if the treatment has longer term effectiveness and if the muscles stay relaxed.

 
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Posted by on October 25, 2014 in Sex

 

My Current Status

It has been a while since I have written a post.  I am stuck where there has been a lot going on, and at the same time there has been very little going on.

At the beginning of September, all of our activities ramped up again.  It seems like every year that goes by we have more to do than we did the previous year and I can’t seem to find a way to make it slow down.  As a result, I haven’t had time to write anything, or as least when I’ve had time, I haven’t had the energy.

On the other hand, very little has been going on with our sex life and my progress towards overcoming premature ejaculation has been unsteady.  One difficulty has been my wife’s cycle.  Throughout this year, her cycle has become increasingly erratic and extended, which has cut into opportunities we have to have sex.  Up until about 10 months ago, her period lasted usually five days, but certainly no more than seven.  When she was done with her period, we were ready to go.  Since January, her period has increased in length so that her most recent one lasted almost two weeks.  Add onto that the business of the season, and we’ve gone three weeks without having sex.  This has made it a little bit difficult to get “practice” in as consistently as I would like.

The next difficulty came out of the discussions after our fight.  As we talked through the problems, my wife made it clear that she no longer wanted to have sex on our schedule.  It felt too mechanical and non-spontaneous.  Since we haven’t come up with another system yet, we are sort of on my wife’s schedule, which is much less often than I would like.

Finally, there has been a frustrating lack of consistency in my ability to control my ejaculation.  There will be several days where I think I am making progress, then there will be several more days where I am experiencing catastrophic failure.  Even when I manage to maintain control, it is still at the expense of being able to thrust at the speed and depth my wife would enjoy more.  Because of this lack consistency and clear progress, I have been at a loss for topics to write about.  If I report that things are going well, or that things are going poorly, I feel like I am misrepresenting what is actually happening.

So my focus has been on relaxing and continuing to find the muscle tension that is responsible for my lack of control.  Relaxing my muscles during sex is extremely difficult, so I have been putting my focus on that.  But that is about the extent of anything new in the last couple of months.  I’ll keep posting as I have something interesting to write about.

 
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Posted by on October 19, 2014 in Sex

 

Reevaluation Time

The other nigh, my wife and I got into a fight during sex.  Who does that, right?  I was doing something to her (and I don’t really even remember what) that she didn’t like.  She started to use her terse, angry tone to tell me to stop and do something different.  There are few things worse than being berated when you are naked, so I started to get angry.  I knew things could only get worse, so I said, “I need to take a break” and I laid down next to her.   

“Where are you going?   What are you doing?”, she said, still angry and irritated.

I replied, as calmly as I could, “You were using an angry tone with me and things were not going well, so I decided to take a break.”

“I wouldn’t have to get angry with you if you would do what I asked you to do, the way I asked you to do it.”

“I was doing it the way you told me to do it last time.  Maybe if you were more engaged and focused on what were doing, you wouldn’t have so much trouble.”

And things just spiraled downward from there.  She got more and more angry.  Eventually all of here bottled-up resentment came out.  She told me how she hated the pressure I put on her to have sex, how much she didn’t like it, how she would never have sex as much as we did if it was up to her, how having sex with someone with premature ejaculation was an intolerable burden.  Then she stormed out of the room and went downstairs.

I didn’t know what to say or do.  I was trying to calmly take break to keep a fight from happening, but it happened anyway.  And then all of the truth she had been trying to hide came flying out.  So I turned out the lights and tried to go to sleep.

She eventually came back upstairs, apologized, and we talked a little bit about what happened, but it didn’t change what she had said.  We are clearly at a much different point than I thought we were.  I was trying to let her set the schedule for sex.  I thought she was enjoying it more.  I thought we were getting on a more regular schedule.  Apparently, none of that is true and we are at a completely different place than I thought we were. 

We’ve got a lot more work to do than I thought.

 
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Posted by on September 1, 2014 in Sex

 

Sex To-Do List

I have been having a good streak of success with sex.  I am by no means where either I or my wife wants me to be, but I am getting better.  I have much fewer instances where I feel like I am going to ejaculate as soon as we start to have sex, and I can take longer and deeper strokes more often.  As a result, we are both enjoying sex more.

I did, however, have a horrible failure last week.  As soon as we started to have sex, I felt like I was going to ejaculate.  I couldn’t really move without getting myself too aroused, and it wasn’t very long before I lost control.  I was frustrated while we were having sex, and I couldn’t figure out what the problem was.  While I was lying in bed afterwards and thinking through what had happened, and I realized that I had forgotten to actively breathe and move the sexual energy back.  How could I forget something so basic?  I don’t know.  Seems like I should remember what I need to do, but I don’t.  So to help me remember, I made a list of things to remember when I am having sex.  I called it “Steps to success”.  Here are the steps.

  1. Do not “just relax”.  That does not work for you
  2. Relax your mind and calm your thoughts
  3. Relax down your back, from your head to your toes
  4. Feel your organs sink
  5. Breathe deeply
  6. Lock the gate (keep the front muscles tight)
  7. Pump the energy away (using the muscles in back)

I printed them out and put them on the table next to our bed.  I try read through them before we have sex.  I hope it helps me to remember all of the important steps.

 
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Posted by on September 1, 2014 in Sex

 

Better Relaxation

I am getting much better at relaxing my pelvic floor muscles.  Relaxing them and keeping them relaxed is easier and much more natural than it was before I started the physical therapy.  When I stop to do a tension check and realize that the muscles are tense, I can almost always get them to relax immediately.  I can even tense and relax them while I am walking.

This is a big improvement over where I was when I started physical therapy in January.  It also shows a drastic increase awareness and control.  My guess is that this the level of control the average guy has when he first gets married.  I am starting out way behind, but I am hopeful that I will continue to be able to make progress.

 
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Posted by on August 21, 2014 in Sex

 

New Exercise Position

In my last post, I talked about how I am starting to understand how to use my sex muscles to control my ejaculation.  The summary is that I need to perform coordinated contractions of my muscles to pump the energy away from my prostate to keep myself from ejaculating too quickly.

As I’ve tried this during sex, I’ve realized that it is much more difficult to do than when I am doing the Kegel exercises at other times.  I can’t squeeze the muscles nearly as efficiently, and I definitely can’t relax them as well.  I eventually figured out that when I do the exercises, I am usually lying down on my back or sitting in a chair.  The problem is that these are all relatively relaxed positions.  When my wife and I are having sex, it is usually in a man on top position, and I am supporting myself with my arms and my legs.  I am also facing more downwards than anything else.  This is a completely different position than I am in when doing the exercises, and it is much more strenuous and less relaxing.

So to get better at controlling my muscles during sex, I have had to change the way I do the exercises.  I now try to do at least one set a day in plank position, where I am holding myself up on my elbows and knees.  It is significantly more difficult to do Kegel exercises this way, and is much closer to the way I feel during sex.  If I can learn to squeeze and relax in this position, I’ll be better prepared for doing it during sex.

 
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Posted by on August 13, 2014 in Sex

 
 
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