It has been a while since I have written a post. I am stuck where there has been a lot going on, and at the same time there has been very little going on.
At the beginning of September, all of our activities ramped up again. It seems like every year that goes by we have more to do than we did the previous year and I can’t seem to find a way to make it slow down. As a result, I haven’t had time to write anything, or as least when I’ve had time, I haven’t had the energy.
On the other hand, very little has been going on with our sex life and my progress towards overcoming premature ejaculation has been unsteady. One difficulty has been my wife’s cycle. Throughout this year, her cycle has become increasingly erratic and extended, which has cut into opportunities we have to have sex. Up until about 10 months ago, her period lasted usually five days, but certainly no more than seven. When she was done with her period, we were ready to go. Since January, her period has increased in length so that her most recent one lasted almost two weeks. Add onto that the business of the season, and we’ve gone three weeks without having sex. This has made it a little bit difficult to get “practice” in as consistently as I would like.
The next difficulty came out of the discussions after our fight. As we talked through the problems, my wife made it clear that she no longer wanted to have sex on our schedule. It felt too mechanical and non-spontaneous. Since we haven’t come up with another system yet, we are sort of on my wife’s schedule, which is much less often than I would like.
Finally, there has been a frustrating lack of consistency in my ability to control my ejaculation. There will be several days where I think I am making progress, then there will be several more days where I am experiencing catastrophic failure. Even when I manage to maintain control, it is still at the expense of being able to thrust at the speed and depth my wife would enjoy more. Because of this lack consistency and clear progress, I have been at a loss for topics to write about. If I report that things are going well, or that things are going poorly, I feel like I am misrepresenting what is actually happening.
So my focus has been on relaxing and continuing to find the muscle tension that is responsible for my lack of control. Relaxing my muscles during sex is extremely difficult, so I have been putting my focus on that. But that is about the extent of anything new in the last couple of months. I’ll keep posting as I have something interesting to write about.