The other nigh, my wife and I got into a fight during sex. Who does that, right? I was doing something to her (and I don’t really even remember what) that she didn’t like. She started to use her terse, angry tone to tell me to stop and do something different. There are few things worse than being berated when you are naked, so I started to get angry. I knew things could only get worse, so I said, “I need to take a break” and I laid down next to her.
“Where are you going? What are you doing?”, she said, still angry and irritated.
I replied, as calmly as I could, “You were using an angry tone with me and things were not going well, so I decided to take a break.”
“I wouldn’t have to get angry with you if you would do what I asked you to do, the way I asked you to do it.”
“I was doing it the way you told me to do it last time. Maybe if you were more engaged and focused on what were doing, you wouldn’t have so much trouble.”
And things just spiraled downward from there. She got more and more angry. Eventually all of here bottled-up resentment came out. She told me how she hated the pressure I put on her to have sex, how much she didn’t like it, how she would never have sex as much as we did if it was up to her, how having sex with someone with premature ejaculation was an intolerable burden. Then she stormed out of the room and went downstairs.
I didn’t know what to say or do. I was trying to calmly take break to keep a fight from happening, but it happened anyway. And then all of the truth she had been trying to hide came flying out. So I turned out the lights and tried to go to sleep.
She eventually came back upstairs, apologized, and we talked a little bit about what happened, but it didn’t change what she had said. We are clearly at a much different point than I thought we were. I was trying to let her set the schedule for sex. I thought she was enjoying it more. I thought we were getting on a more regular schedule. Apparently, none of that is true and we are at a completely different place than I thought we were.
We’ve got a lot more work to do than I thought.