After my last visit to the physical therapist, I was doing some research on the web for acupuncture and cranial-sacral therapy. While I was there, I decided to do some additional searches on ejaculation control. I hadn’t done one in a while, so I wanted to see if I could find anything new.
I did find a site that I had not seen before, although I had seen a lot of the information before. The author was trying to sell a program to overcome premature ejaculation, which is always a scam, but he listed all of the steps in his program. One of the steps included mental relaxation techniques.
I have seen these suggestions before, but with the current state of my sexual performance and ability to relax, I read it with a new perspective. It occurred to me that maybe I was not relaxed mentally during sex and that was causing me to be unable to relax my pelvic floor.
I decided to investigate this further, so I started thinking through some of the stress I might feel during sex. I came up with the following list.
- Not enough frequency. Every time we have sex, it seems novel and new, like the first time (or maybe the second). This might be great for guys who perform like porn stars, but I need more familiarity. The schedule definitely helps, but sometimes we miss and we’ll have to reschedule. It just adds variation that I have to deal with.
- Variation in my wife’s response. Sex never seems to be the same night every night. I try the same thing, but the results are different. She says she is the same but I am doing something different. Sometimes my wife gets angry about it. Either way, it doesn’t always work, so there is always that thought going through my mind.
- Rushing through sex. Often I feel like we rush through sex, or certainly the arousal part to get to intercourse. I’d like to slow down, but my wife wants to keep pushing through. Sometimes I think I’m the woman – I take more time to warm up.
- Memories of previous failures. I remember that it didn’t go well the previous time, and I worry that it will happen again.
As I created this list, I realized that I do have a lot of stressful thoughts when it comes to sex. I realized that I need to be more aware of these feelings and thoughts. I need to be able to banish them during sex and focus on the moment. That should help me to be more mentally relaxed, which will help my body relax, which should help my PE.