Better Relaxation

I am getting much better at relaxing my pelvic floor muscles.  Relaxing them and keeping them relaxed is easier and much more natural than it was before I started the physical therapy.  When I stop to do a tension check and realize that the muscles are tense, I can almost always get them to relax immediately.  I can even tense and relax them while I am walking.

This is a big improvement over where I was when I started physical therapy in January.  It also shows a drastic increase awareness and control.  My guess is that this the level of control the average guy has when he first gets married.  I am starting out way behind, but I am hopeful that I will continue to be able to make progress.

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Posted by on August 21, 2014 in Sex


New Exercise Position

In my last post, I talked about how I am starting to understand how to use my sex muscles to control my ejaculation.  The summary is that I need to perform coordinated contractions of my muscles to pump the energy away from my prostate to keep myself from ejaculating too quickly.

As I’ve tried this during sex, I’ve realized that it is much more difficult to do than when I am doing the Kegel exercises at other times.  I can’t squeeze the muscles nearly as efficiently, and I definitely can’t relax them as well.  I eventually figured out that when I do the exercises, I am usually lying down on my back or sitting in a chair.  The problem is that these are all relatively relaxed positions.  When my wife and I are having sex, it is usually in a man on top position, and I am supporting myself with my arms and my legs.  I am also facing more downwards than anything else.  This is a completely different position than I am in when doing the exercises, and it is much more strenuous and less relaxing.

So to get better at controlling my muscles during sex, I have had to change the way I do the exercises.  I now try to do at least one set a day in plank position, where I am holding myself up on my elbows and knees.  It is significantly more difficult to do Kegel exercises this way, and is much closer to the way I feel during sex.  If I can learn to squeeze and relax in this position, I’ll be better prepared for doing it during sex.

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Posted by on August 13, 2014 in Sex


Understanding Sex Muscle Control

My success with controlling my ejaculation has come with a better understanding of how to control my sex muscles and how I am supposed to use them during sex.

First, when I have all of my muscles completely relaxed, I get aroused and erect really quickly. This is the way that I need to start out.  If I start out with my muscles tense, then I have difficulty getting an erection, so I need to start out relaxed.  However, if I stay relaxed too long and I start to get really turned on, then it feels like the energy (with the semen) is going to squirt out of the end of my penis.

When I get to this point, I need to tighten the muscles at the front of my pelvic floor.  When I do this, it feels like I am pulling back on my penis.  If i can do this and keep the other muscles relaxed, then this actually stops the sensation of impending ejaculation and makes the head of my penis feel less sensitive.  While this muscle is tense, it actually makes my erection harder and keeps it up, so that is good for sex too.

This is the ideal state for me to be in.  If I can keep my excitement down, and keep my other pelvic floor muscles really relaxed, then the energy will flows back towards my pelvis and up towards my spine.  I can do this when I am practicing by myself, but it is very difficult to do when we are actually having sex.

This next part was really the big key discovery for me.  If I can’t keep the muscles in back relaxed and I feel like I am getting close to ejaculation, I squeeze the muscles way in the back with several quick contractions.  This pumps the energy away from my prostate in a way similar to what happens when I ejaculate.  It’s like a mini-ejaculation, just enough to keep me from going over the edge, but not enough to lose my erection.  The key is that I have squeeze as far back as possible and then release and relax it as much as possible, while keeping the tension on the muscle in front.  If I squeeze too hard or too many times, my erection will go down.  If that happens, I can just relax completely, and my erection usually comes right back.  Then I start the process again.

While I am squeezing the muscles in back, I have to keep my body relaxed.  I think of letting my internal organs sink as much as possible.  It also helps to take a big breath when I squeeze.  It helps to relax my body and put additional pressure on the prostate to pump the energy away.

It also helps to pull out some when I get this turned on.  There is less stimulation on my penis, and I can relax more easily.

I am finding it really challenging to coordinate all of these motions, but I do feel like I am getting better at it. The good news is that it seems to be working, and it also seems to be consistent with some of the Tantra articles I have read.  It is certainly enough to give me hope that I am finally on the right path.  I have claimed victory several times before, but I think this time it’s the real thing.


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Posted by on August 12, 2014 in Sex


Penis Judgment

Now that I know that urinary hesitancy can be an indicator of premature ejaculation, I find myself judging how other guys perform based on how they pee.  I don’t really want to know this information, but It really hard to ignore when a guy is standing at the urinal right next to you.  If I hear a good strong stream that starts immediately and ends with very little effort, I think “That guys probably performs pretty well.”  But if a guy stands there for a while, starts, stops, starts, stops, stops, starts, stops, then I think “I bet he’s got PE.”  It’s weird.

Since muscle tension is related to energy flow, I have often suspected that when I have had other people do energy work on me, they figure out I have PE.  I went to a Korean Eastern medicine doctor when my wife and I were having fertility problems.  He checked me and said that my “chi [energy] was high.”  That was long before I started working on my premature ejaculation, so I am sure he knew that I had PE.  I suspect that this is true for a good massage therapist, acupuncturist, and many chiropractors.

As an aside, I read an article once where the authors claimed to be able to tell if a woman was multi-orgasmic by the way she walked.  They didn’t say how, but that would be useful information for men looking for a wife.

Anyways, it’s interesting what you learn about others when you learn something about yourself.

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Posted by on August 3, 2014 in Sex


Current Kegel Approach

Here is my current approach to doing my Kegel exercises.  I’ve found that doing them this way ensures that I am engaging all of the muscles, but controlling them separately.  It also ensures I start with the ones that have the greatest impact on the biofeedback meter.

  1. Pull up on the middle muscle like I am trying to force out semen – “squirt it out”
  2. Pull back on the front muscle like I am trying to keep it in – “close the gate”
  3. Extend the contraction as far to the back and as high up my sacrum as possible
  4. Sink my belly down and focus on pulling the muscles together (rather than up)
  5. Relax my body, from my head, down my back, to my toes
  6. Hold for a count of 10.  Sometimes I do 9 quick pulses of the muscles in the back while I’m holding the others.
  7. Release and relax until all of the muscles relax and sink down

I repeat 10 times at least three times a day.  Since my physical therapy appointments are becoming less frequent, I try to do several more sets at least once per week.

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Posted by on August 3, 2014 in Sex



I had my first acupuncture appointment this week.  I went to the acupuncturist on the advice of my physical therapist.  She suggested trying acupuncture to see if it would help to relax my pelvic floor muscles the rest of the way to the level she wants to see.  I’ve had acupuncture treatments twice before, and I am not completely sold on it, but I decided to try it anyway.  It is all part of trying all (reasonable) options to address my premature ejaculation.

It was an effort just to find an acupuncturist.  First, I wanted someone who was Chinese, who learned acupuncture in China.  There just seems to be something wrong with having acupuncture from a western-looking woman.  I eventually found a couple of Chinese men, but one in particular didn’t seem reputable.  He had published quotes supposedly from patients on his website; however, all of the quotes had some grammatical error in them that indicated they were written by someone whose native language was not English, and they all had at least one sentence that sounded like propaganda.  So I skipped him.  The guy I eventually went to used realistic quotes, and I was actually able to track down the identity of one of the patients, so I decided he was legitimate.

I arrived at the office, filled out the requisite paperwork, and after a short wait, he invited me into his office.  He asked me to tell him why I was there, and yet again, I had to tell someone I have no penis control.  At least this time, it was a man.  Then he asked me a bunch of questions about how I felt, and about things like feeling hot or cold, or whether I sweat easily, and a bunch of other things that didn’t really seem connected, and none of them about sex.

After the questions, he did a pulse diagnosis.  I have had this done before, so I was familiar with it.  He asked me to put my arm out, and he took my pulse, but used three fingers.  He alternated between the three fingers, sometimes using one, two, or three fingers.  He then switched to the other side, and did the same thing with my other hand.

Then he did something I had never heard of before.  He said he was going to do a “tongue diagnosis”.  He asked me to stick out my tongue and looked at the top.  Then he had me curl it up and looked at the bottom.  When he got done, he said he wanted to take a picture, so he took a picture of both the top and bottom of my tongue.  When he finished, he explained his diagnosis.  He talked about the color, the coating on my tongue, the cracks, teeth marks, and veins.

He explained that both your pulse and your tongue have parts that correspond to different parts of your body.  He went into a lot of detail that I can’t remember.  I checked some of it out on the web, and you can find a lot of information there.  His conclusion was, however, that there was an imbalance in my liver.  He said that all of the diagnosis indicated this, and that in Traditional Chinese Medicine, the liver is connected to the genitals.  He said that with five or six treatments for the liver, I should start to notice a difference.

When I made the appointment, I was under the impression that I was going to have a consultation and have to go back for a treatment, so I was surprised when he asked “Would you like to have a treatment now?”  “Yes”, was my answer, and he showed me to another room in the office.  He told me to take off my pants, shoes, and socks, lay down on the table and then pull down my shorts down to my lower abs.

He left while I did that, and he came back into the room and began the treatment.  First he wiped the treatment areas with an alcohol swab.  He took a short needle out of the package, felt the top of my head, placed the needle on the spot, and gave it a quick tap.  I could feel it on my head, but I didn’t feel any pain, not even a pin prick.  He then used the same procedure to put one in my forehead, right between my eyes.  He said these were to help me relax.  I could already feel the energy moving through my forehead.  He then proceeded to put one on each side of both wrists, four across my lower abs, one next to each knee, and four in my ankles and feet.  With every one, I could feel something there, but there was no pain.  He finished and said “I’ll check on you in 15 minutes” and left the room.

At first, I could feel a lot of pressure between my eyes, where the needle was, but as I relaxed, the pressure went away and I could feel energy moving through my head and chest and down my arms.  It felt like a tingling sensation, like little jolts of electricity.  I started to relax more and then felt really tired.  I almost fell asleep, but I was trying to notice what was going on in my body.  He came back, asked if everything was OK, then left again.  When he came back again, he took the needles out in reverse of the order he put them in and told me I could get dressed and meet him out in the waiting area.  I did so, then went out, made my next appointment, and left.

I didn’t really feel any different after that, and I didn’t notice any changes.  I did, however, sleep great that night and the next.  I know changes from acupuncture take time, so we’ll have to see what happens over the next couple of treatments.  Either way, it was a fascinating experience, and if nothing else, adds another great story to the PE saga.

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Posted by on August 2, 2014 in Sex


Enough? Maybe Not

The sex we had last night was great.  It was sensual, intimate, pleasurable, and successful.

Usually, I feel like I want sex every night, especially when the previous night was good.  I just like sex and it feels good.  Often, I’ll start thinking about it when I am driving home from work in anticipation of seeing my wife. Today, however, as I was driving home from work and thinking about the previous night’s activities, I felt fully content.  I thought, “This is new.  I don’t feel the need to have sex.  Last night was so great, that I don’t need to do it again tonight.”  This was a new feeling – new and novel.

When I got home, my wife had just gotten back from the pool with the kids.  After she dried off, she had thrown on a sun dress, but with no underwear.  She knows that makes me crazy.  So I walked into the house and gave her a hug as usual.  I rubbed my hand over her butt and realized she was going commando.

Contentment over:  Time for more sex!


Posted by on July 28, 2014 in Sex


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